A Spiritual Vagabond
by Josh.S.999
Summary: A random conversation about an experience with a homeless dude who was - out there...
1. The Story - High AF

**A Spiritual Vagabond**

 _[Weed… High AF… Random Conversation.]_

* * *

" _When the fuck did that happen?_ "

" _Dude_ … It's been a minute, back when I had the red eclipse I think." 

"Do you remember what he said?" 

"Yeah, just about."

"Well… What did he say?" 

"It's a story low key, you got time for that?"

"Hell yeah _…_ _Out here actin' like niggas got places to be or somethin'_." 

" _Okay bruh_ _,_ but don't start bitchin' about me being long winded all the time."

"You said it not me…"

"Bruh! _Fine, fuck it just listen_. I was at the intersection in front of the River Road ramp heading towards Delhi."

"Out there where you went to school?"

"Yeah, it was towards the end of the semester and I distinctly remember the weather being nice as fuck that day. There was a crippled dude in a wheel chair sitting on the median; _Typical looking homeless person,_ _if there is such a thing_ _..._ " 

" _A typical looking homeless person_? _"_

" _Shut the fuck up bruh_. So, I don't know why, but he made me feel some type of way… It wasn't anything specific; I guess the best way to describe it would be that threshold you feel when you see a homeless dude and the little voice in your head decides whether or not to give them money." 

"I know exactly what you mean." 

"Right though, and when I felt that I looked for money or even some change but didn't have shit. _Those days I was just as broke as you low key._ " 

" _F_ _U_ _C_ _K_ _K_ _Y_ _O_ _U_ _U_ _!_ " 

" _It was just a joke bruh…_ _Gotta walk on egg shells around y'all these days._ " 

" _Just get to the point –_ _Cunt._ " 

"So I have no money, but my mind immediately shot to the water bottles I used to keep in the trunk – _Before I peeped game on the fact that BPA was probably getting into my water when it got hot._ " 

" _The story..._ " 

"I must've been possessed by the spirit or somethin' because I parked my car and grabbed like 3 or 4 water bottles to give him. Dude was super thankful too, but before I walked away he asked what made me stop to give him the water and honestly, I wasn't sure so I told him it just felt right." 

"Hmm…" 

"Yeah, and how he responded is what really surprised me… Let me think for a second – it was something like, ' _I find it interesting that some people intuitively help others, while others intuitively don't._ " 

" _Damn._ " 

"I was gonna ask what he meant by that, but he didn't really give me a chance to ask to many questions. This is when our convo went out into left field on some Secret History of the World type shit." 

"I never did finish that…" 

" _Well if you ever get the chance_ … He said this led him to conclude that good and evil must exist on an intuitive level for humans, but asked me why I thought that was. I told him I couldn't be sure, but felt that life experiences definitely play a role." 

" _For sure._ " 

"And he agreed too, but asked me if I was familiar with _djinn thought forms_." 

"What the _fuck_?" 

"I'll explain it through the story – he began by saying that he felt there were certain energies that affected how people think and act throughout the city. Like a sense of peacefulness when you're looking over the city at Fairview Park, or that ' _plastic_ ' feeling you get when you're up on McMillan these days." 

"McMillan used to feel like you were in a Harry Potter book… _remember that big castle lookin' building_?" 

" _Yeahhh_ , good lord it's been a minute since I thought about that!" 

"That was Hogwarts but with a spell on it to make it look jank like in the book." 

" _D_ _a_ _m_ _n_ _n_ _n_ … I never really thought about it like that, but that's exactly the point this homeless dude was tryin' to make. He told me that he experienced this intuitive dynamic between good and evil shift when certain changes in his environment occurred." 

"That's some real shit." 

"It gets deeper… He thought it was demographics–" 

" _Hold up_ …" 

"What bruh?" 

" _Was dude really using all these concepts?_ Or is this you re-phrasing it?" 

" _Yes_ , _now where the fuck was I_ … Oh, he thought it was a demographics based phenomena but he went all over the city and realized it was impossible – _That the same things happening in places like Mount Adams were also happening in places like Avondale_ , etcetera etcetera." 

"Like what…" 

"He didn't give me too many examples, but one thing I remember him mentioning was that traffic had a polarizing effect on people – No matter where he was, if traffic was super thick then people were more likely to either give him money or throw him shade – even yell shit at him." 

" _Who the fuck yells at a homeless guy?_ " 

"I think people are more cruel to homeless people then nah… _Dude_! Just the other day WorldStar's Vine Comp had that homeless chick getting fucked up by two other people." 

" _You're right!_ It was that bitch in the pink." 

"Yup…" 

"But she was on some bullshit. Being homeless doesn't give you a pass to act the fool." 

"Those people are fucked up though – you don't get into situations like that without having been through some _real_ _ass_ _shit."_

"There are lots of people who are fucked up _that aren't homeless_ but also act the fool, and when they do they get fucked up." 

" _Okay_ _okay_ _I see your point_. Anyways, I do remember one example. Dude was tellin' me that even those orange traffic cones make a difference." 

"Let me play devil's advocate real quick… Even if what he's talking about is real, how does this relate to the whole ' _Djinn thought form'_ thing?" 

"He was like – _Now tell me why little things like cones on a street corner change how people treat me_ _…_ And I couldn't. _Can you_?" 

"Well… Psychology. You're the one talking about those Coursera classes on psychology 'n shit – _Like how consumer psychologists can control how your eyes move through a display at a store_ … All that shit." 

" _Exactly bruh_ _."_

"What–" 

"That's one side of the story, but think about it like this… Scientists study that shit objectively, they observe what's happening in the moment and rationalize it – _but what is causing your neurons to fire the way they do? What is triggering your mind to start processing the experience, even on the level of it being a visual stimulus like…_ _like seeing those orange cones for example_?!" 

"I don't necessarily agree with dude – it's a fuckin' stretch for real, but this is some pretty in-depth shit for a homeless guy." 

" _Righttt_ , but that's where dude's dialogue on djinn becomes relevant. _The idea that these objects have spirits associated with them and they can interact with other 'conscious' beings_ – type shit." 

" _Who the fuck is this guy?_ " 

"I was wondering the same thing, so I asked straight up – _You seem wayyy to intelligent to be homeless, what happened to you?"_

"And?" 

"Because he could never figure _'it'_ out, and that's word-for-word what he said." 

" _What he mean by that?_ " 

"Its sounds like he got obsessed with all of this abstract shit right when he got out of high school. Then he started seeing the number 6 everywhere and hoarding all kinds of info about secret societies and government conspiracies n' shit." 

"O- _kay_ …" 

"From there it just got out of hand – Drugs, all kinds of occult shit, fell in and out of love and there were some deaths in his family… Life shit." 

"He said that on 2012 he realized he was Jesus Christ, but that he couldn't be…" 

"That makes no sense." 

"Maybe, maybe not. He showed me this little equation that represented his numerology and brought up ' _sidereal'_ astrology – don't ask me what it is. Long story short, it felt like he got obsessed with; _himself._ " 

"What makes you say that?" 

"All of dude's arguments came back to him and how _his_ story fit into _his_ belief system. It was all about validating who he thought he was." 

"But maybe that's all anyone does."

" _What?_ "

"I mean… _Why does anyone do what they do?_ "

"That's broad as fuck–"

"People have this idea of what feels good and what they want, then act accordingly… So what's the difference? _But you got all this from handing someone a water bottle._ "

" _Yeah bruh_ _h_ _hh_ _,_ but I don't know though… That's some deep shit for real. On a different note; _Better Call Saul!?"_

"Let me make some food."

" _You always got some extra shit to do."_

" _BRUH!"_


	2. A Dialogue On Consciousness

**A Dialogue on Consciousness**

Before these thoughts slip away, I decided to write a little bit on my beliefs regarding consciousness. The inspiration for this came from a moment of clarity while listening to _Threatening Nature_ by Ab-Soul:

– An atom is a molecule, and Adam was a maricon –  
– But _if he would've never ate that apple, he'd be mad sad_ –  
– _And would've never pulled the leaves off Eve and seen all that ass_ –

When Ab starts talking about Adam's emotions regarding eating versus not eating the apple, I had a vision of _being the apple_. I empathized with _the apple_ opposed to Adam, and what I felt was an independent consciousness that was desiring the outcomes Adam was being tempted by. But, _it's just an apple_? Yes, but let's take a step back.

 _What is a thought?_

A chemical reaction in the brain – Neurons firing sequentially in specific patterns – Visual images that don't exist tangibly but you experience, 'see' in the abstract sense of seeing and even feel – _I think the answer is all of these and a whole lot of more._ Consciousness feels like something that can't be defined by any singular discipline, but what we can do is isolate specific functions of consciousness.

 _How does the mind process information?_

The act of experiencing an apple is not a single event but a series of events. You see an object, your subconscious mind breaks down its size, color, shape, smell, etc. From there your mind says _apple,_ integrates 'you' into the context of the moment, and then its on to the next moment. Now, that happens extremely fast, _but it does happen_. You go from not knowing, to observing the apple as an object to the realization and experience of the apple – _as an apple!_

Dope shit, and I promise the punch line is coming. The apple, as an object, triggers the reaction of encoding it in your mind and it is within this instant that I empathized with the apple. I felt the fluidity of it evolving out of being in the physical (an object) to the mental (an apple) to the spiritual (temptation of Adam) back to the present. Look:

 _Object =_ _Apple  
_ _Apple =_ _Emotions such as Hunger  
_ _Apple =_ _Adam & Eve  
_ _Apple =_ _etc._

The multiplicity of the apple's possible meaning to an individual quickly goes to infinity, but something really cool happens. There appears to be an experiential symmetry that develops between the perceiver consciously and the apple. Every level of meaning will always relate back to the apple in some way, shape or form, but here in lies the paradox. _If more abstract meaning or feelings are evolving consciously in your mind, what are they relating to just as you're relating the physical object and the apple off jump_? There has to be something there! Something that transcends the physical form and exists in the same form that is actively being related to the thoughts and emotions you're experiencing.

 _What?_

Spiritually, I'm a little out there when it comes to my beliefs – relative to western traditions at least, but here's some context from my perspective. The first concept that comes to mind is something called a djinn thought form, or more generally 'djinn'. The word has a negative connotation due to its association to demons or evil spirits, but I think there's more to it. Essentially, it's the idea that an object is inhabited by a spirit and said spirit is (a) _conscious_ and (b) _has the ability to interact with the world around it_.

Now, lets work with this idea for a moment: The apple, its shape, color, smell, the context it is in, all create different impressions on your mind when you perceive it and your experience of said apple is also relative to how you yourself are feeling.

 _Are you hungry? Sad? Happy? Contemplative? (lol…)_

Well, on an unrelated note, if you happen to be depressed then eating an apple a day for a while would probably improve your mood – so says the science. But the apple, within this theory, is also experiencing life consciously through the act of relating _what it is_ to you and everything around it as well. Its conjecture, of course, but for me it comes down to what I understand consciousness to be:

 _Self-Awareness_

The apple, and in a more general sense all inanimate objects, have an intrinsic knowledge of what they are. That is the essence of consciousness in my book, though I will acknowledge that this theory doesn't necessarily open the concept of a djinn thought form to freedom of thought. Instead, it's thoughts are an amalgamation of all the relations occurring between itself and everything around it in any given moment.

 _What does that mean?_

The apple isn't just relating to our consciousness when it is perceived. It's relating to everything around it, and it's not necessarily 'an apple' to the table it's sitting on (for example) but it is _something_ relative to the table – _it does exist relative to the table_. It's not _'an apple'_ to the air surrounding it as an object, but it is _something_ relative to the air.

This act of relating to the microcosm around itself is _an act of empathy and a statement of what it is_. It creates layers of meaning around the apple that begin to feel more and more like emotions and thoughts that are actively being expressed _because they elicit explicit responses from its environment_. Moreover, to defend the proposition of consciousness being intimately connected to self-awareness, I feel the need to say that the assumption that 'an apple' is only an apple because we (humans) are aware of it is _fairly egocentric_. It assumes we are the conscious center of the universe (my opinion – we _are_ and _aren't_ at the same time), but that's a conversation for another day…

 _Closing Remarks:_

All of this sounds kinda… Spiritual. For me it is, but in summary I feel the core point to take away is the idea that consciousness is bigger than the human experience. Everything in the world around us is actively relating to the world around _it_ , and these relations are acts of self-awareness, which is a specific function of 'being conscious'. And because of this, _you experience consciousness, and an apple might too_!


End file.
